Wednesday Rant

Rant… rant…rant, rant, rant, rant…

Why all the ranting? Because I am tired…because what I want to rant about I really shouldn’t rant about online…because I can’t believe the gall and stupidity of so much of the human race…because I can’t get myself motivated, that I am blue (not depressed-that is a clinical thing, just blue, unhappy) and even though I look around myself and can’t think of any one thing I should be unhappy about, a certain feeling of blue washes over me every once in a while.

I think of the Nike slogan- just do it. I should just make a list of things to do and do them. So I make the list, and I look at it, and I don’t want to do any of it. I just know that it has to be done and by not doing it now, life will suck more later. So I do some of it, just enough to feel like I have done something, but not really enough to have a feeling of accomplishment. Just enough not to feel like I have sat around eating bon-bons, but not enough to really think that I have made a change in my life. I wonder where this laziness has come from and how people around me constantly tell me that I am not lazy, that I am in fact the opposite, pushing myself too hard and expecting too much. But I know the truth- I know that I sit and watch an episode of Homicide when I should be labeling sachets, I know that I take a nap when I should be working on my newsletter, and I know that there is a pile of e-mails that should have been answered days ago, but haven’t.

What I hate is the late night electricity, the felling in my body that I should get up and do something, anything- take a walk, ride my bike, clean the house, but my brain tells me that it’s late and that I should try to relax, so my internal conflict goes on until I just go to bed to get away from it. I talk to myself all day like this- I’ll do that after noon, I’ll do this after lunch, I’ll do something else after just one quick game on the computer…

Ugh.. I’m going to take a nap to get away from myself, I am such a nag.