In another conversation about something totally different, a friend of mine said, "Faith is like a muscle, it has to be used in order to become stronger. Faith is not a blind hopefulness; faith is a strong leaning on or dependence on." This just rang my bell.
I have been contemplating the meaning of faith a lot lately, but faith outside of a religious context. You see its been banging around my head the last 6 months or so that with C working and traveling and being gone so much, the experience had to be part of my life for a reason. To be cliché, everything happens for a reason, and that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. His being away has been very hard, it has brought up things in me that I have had to deal with: like fear of abandonment, fear of loss, and my perception of faith. I had been thinking that the last two years has taught me faith, and I realized today that it didn't teach me faith, but it has caused me to exercise it and make it strong.
Until a few years ago I had very little faith in most people, probably because I never gave myself a reason to practice it. If I had a problem, I left, I ran, and I blamed it on people in general, that people shouldn't be trusted, that it was a bad thing to put your faith in someone. But these last few years have been different. It has been hard, and I have been tested. But my faith remains. My faith is stronger. It is a good thing. I see that I have grown a faith in others, and a faith in myself that I have never had before. It is empowering.
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