March 22, 2008 1 day 18 hours 2 minutes and counting

I love it when I stress and C sits there telling me all the reasons why I shouldn’t stress. Like I don’t know these reasons, like I haven’t been going over and over and over them in my mind…a mantra to calm myself down with. Like at this moment reason can prevail and I will suddenly look up, calm and collected and say “yes honey, you are right, I shouldn’t be stressed. So I won’t be anymore, silly me” rather than sitting there feeling my back bristle up thinking “what? you don’t know me by now? You think reason will fix this? My stress is unreasonable!!!”

What is better is when it is the next day, the day after stress, and this conversation occurs” I don’t know why you were stressed, you shouldn’t have been” and my reply “Yes, I know I shouldn’t have been, I just was”. But it is funny, it builds up like a volcano, then I loose it, and then I move past it, calm, collected, and OK with whatever gets thrown at me. The sooner I loose it the better it is for everyone involved.

I play this game called Folklore, and in it is a monster called a Bug-a-Boo. When it tried to hurt you it gets all prickled up… that is the way I have been feeling, all prickled up, but on the inside. My first show of the season, a big, huge show, far away, and the economy is in the toilet. Sure hope all my angst and stress will be worth it in the end. Hate to come out on this one in the hole financially. But let’s all say it together anyway “You’ll do fine”…say it again “You’ll do fine” maybe a few hundred more times between now and Thursday afternoon and I may actually believe it.

For you, a Bug-a-Boo…..